R.G.

You are the reason I was tormented for my last two years of high school. You are the reason that people threw full soda cans and pencils at me. You are the reason I was shoved into lockers, kicked in the back, spit at, yelled at and called names that didn't describe me AT ALL. You are the reason I walked to my classes with my head down, avoiding eye contact with you as you'd whisper vile things to me in passing. You are the reason I was afraid all of the time. You are the reason I didn't attend our high school reunion. You are the reason that an important part of my life has never functioned in a healthy manner.

It didn't take you long at all to accomplish this feat. About 10 minutes, really. You stole something from me that I was saving. And then you had your moment of satisfaction and you walked away, unscathed. But I lived with the after effects for the next two years and to some extent, I still AM living with them.

In the strange hierarchy of high school, you were on top and and I was on bottom. I didn't do anything wrong, except to be in the wrong place in the wrong time in a vulnerable state. But your crimes are extensive. Now, as we all have come to find out, we are all equal. I see pictures of you sometimes and you are balding and paunchy. You are a far cry from the cool drummer I barely knew in the 11th grade.

In the end, you were the reason I learned so many more important lessons. You taught me to be tough as nails. You taught me the art of non-violence. You taught me to ignore, to walk away. There are so many times I wished I could go back into the past and give myself a voice. But when I look back at it all, I came out of it with my head held high. I was the bigger person, and that made me brave. You taught me to trust women, to find solidarity and support in the female gender. You taught me who my real friends are. And most importantly, you taught me an ultimate lesson in forgiveness.

About four years ago, I addressed my past and looked at it from another perspective. I considered the possibilities. You were young and you were testosterone driven. You may have been fueled by alcohol or drugs. You may have felt ashamed and sorry. You may still be sorry. I'll never know. I made a choice, then, that I would consider these possibilities. I chose to believe that if we met today, face to face, you would apologize. Somewhere in the midst of that realization, I found forgiveness. And in that forgiveness, I found something greater:

Peace.