William Olwyn Charles

Should I call you grandpa? Grandpa Bill? Bill? I don't know what I would call you if you were alive and that makes me feel awkward. At times, I have to remind myself that the man that I called "Grandpa" wasn't really my grandfather. He was my mother's step-father and he wasn't nice. He never treated her like family and he left her broken in a way that can probably never be fixed.

I would love to meet you and to stand in front of you and know that I came from you and that my mom came from you. I think that she would like to do the same. I think that we would all like to feel like "Grandpa" or "Dad" was someone that actually loved and cared for us. The fact is, that you have been dead for more than fifty years. I have no idea if you would live up to the loving, caring, grandfatherly image that I have built in my head. Given the fact that I come from one of the sickest, most dysfunctional families around it is highly likely that my expectations would not mesh with reality at all. But I would still have liked to have had that opportunity for myself.

I think that, even if you weren't perfect, you would have at least loved my mom better. I think that you would have loved me better as well. I have absolutely no concept of what it is like to feel love from a grandfather and I wish that I did. I just want to know you. I want to see what the fuss was about, because I hear that Grandma loved you very much. She's special and amazing, so if she loved you then you must have been lovable.

I named my son after you. I named him after you and your step-father (who was awesome at filling your shoes). His name is Olwyn Coe Altman. I hope that in giving him this name, he lives up to the image of you that I have created for myself in my mind. I hope that he grows up to be a lawyer (like Leo Altman was) and that he has grandchildren that he will love and a daughter that he will spoil and dote on. I hope that he won't let her be broken, the way that my mom is broken.

Since I may never meet you, I just want to say that naming my son after you is my way of remembering. When a person has been dead for half a century, it is as though they never existed. But I know that you were here. I may not have memories of you, but I remember you. I am glad that you were here, even if it didn't last.

Love,
Molly