Self.

Dear Brooks,

You have made it through a lot. Much more than you think about or give yourself credit for on any sort of regular basis. You have had your heart broken numerous times for numerous reasons. Sometimes by boys, or girls....but most all the breakage was your own fault. You constantly put yourself in damaging situations with damaging people.You lived in self destruct.
You always went out with the same guys. The same loser, selfish, dirt bag guys- and when you somehow stumbled upon one that wasn't all these things, you discarded him. You sat around pining after boys that could have cared less about you. You gave yourself physically, mentally and emotionally to boy after boy after boy, none of whom respected, loved or even cared for you at all. You cried and whined and blah blah blah on and on...you gave up your youth in exchange for self hate.
You stayed friends with other females who were absolutely toxic. They fed off of you. She fed off of you. She took and took and took and gave nothing. She stole from you and denied it. She smiled and batted her eyes and winked. Everyone loved her, and it was constantly breaking you. But you never budged.
If it wasn't a boy or a girl breaking you, it was you breaking you. You were never even enough for yourself. You thought you were ugly and fat and useless. You starved yourself, you purged, you adopted a personal style that was loud and obnoxious in order to offset the feeling of going unnoticed. You cut and cut and cut as if the bleeding and the mess of scars was needed to remind you of how worthless you actually were. You chose music that fed the demon of worthlessness. You refused to try in school because accomplishing great things academically would have made you less useless and you couldn't allow that to happen. You did not wallow in self hate, you drowned in it.
You have broken your own heart Brooksie. You let people have you who never deserved you, and you fled from the ones who did. You allowed yourself to be eaten alive by every negative thing life could find to throw at you. You made some terrible choices, and suffered terrible consequences- that has been the nature of your beast.

Brooks